Open Forum: Should an Inability to Encourage and Show Compassion Disqualify a Pastor?

The biblical qualifications for an elder are listed in 1 Tim 3. In this passage there is a clear emphasis on gentleness (1 Tim 3:3) and in 2 Tim 2 Paul writes " the Lords servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness "( 2 Tim 2:24-25). This text points to a quality of character that is evidently filled with the fruits of the Spirit. Of course, he is not a coward, hence his ability to correct opponents, but the manner in which he does that is not through harsh words that stir up strife and arguments (see v 23 & Prov 15:1) but instead he will attempt to destroy every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of Christ, while keeping a man's dignity intact. perhaps you have something other than this in mind when you refer to compassion, but the word itself is a compound word: "com" meaning "with" and "passion" meaning "pain". The word literally means to feel ones pain, an extremely gospel-grounded attribute which is seen throughout the lives of saints both in scripture and church history. A few examples are worth noting. Stephen as he is being thrown to the ground about have his skull crushed by rocks prays for the pardon of his adversaries (Acts 7:60). Paul demonstrates this trait of compassion in 2 Cor 11 as he refers his many trials and sufferings that he endured during his ministry ( v23-27) and yet in verse 28 he says "apart from other things, there is my constant concern for the church." This phrase in the Greek is very intense. the word "concern" is translated from "merimna" which comes from a root word that denotes a sick stomach hence the ESV says "anxiety" which perhaps captures the idea more accurately. And notice the adjective "constant" or some translations say "daily", implying that this is a continual condition that Paul was in for the various churches that he oversaw. In other words, while Paul was being tied to a post and beaten he was thinking about how the Philippians were doing. and while he was bobbing in the middle of the Mediterranean sea on a peace of drift wood he was praying for the Ephesians. and while he was in a rat infested dungeon he was concerned for the Corinthians. Paul was given a heart of compassion that was able to look past his own trials and pain in order to bear the burdens of others, thus fulfilling the law of Christ $Gal 6:2). If anyone doubts this he need go no further than the opening statement of Romans 9 where Paul expresses anguish at the fact that many ofhis fellow Jews had rejected the Messiah, he says that he would be willing to tradw places with them and be cut off from Christ and become an Anathema for the sake of his kinsmen (Rom 9:2-3). And one example from church history isvthe courageous Mr Tyndale who as he was being burned at the stake for translating the New Testament into English and thus ushering in the reformation in England, prayed while prapring to die that God would open the eyes of the king of England. Last but not least, in Matthew 14 Jesus after hearing of his cousin Johns horrific murder was engaged by a large crowd in need of ministering . Jesus could have rightly turned away from them and went away to pray, but instead the text says that he had compassion on them (v14). the parallel passage in Mark says "he had compassion on them for they were like sheep without a shepherd" (Mark 6:34). Is there any greater description the the pastors calling? To lead and feed and shepherd the flock of God (see John 21:15-17 & Acts 20:28)???. I conclude.... if the pastor is not following hard after the shepherd of his own soul and striving to be like Him in everyway, he should retire, less he invoke Gods strict judgement upon himself (see James 3:1).

SOLA DEO GLORIA

I am in the military been on several deployments and have seen alot of things. A few years ago my family and I joined a church along with another couple, they were with the church for a short time and then we didn't see them anymore. nothing was never said. A few years past and I found out recently that the couple left because the wife attempted suicide and the pastor was not compassionate tp them saying she was just looking for attention. My dilemma is I was deployed last last year I had to come home on emergency leave for something traumatic that happened to my family. Since October of last year my family and I have experience 7 deaths and 1 attempted suicide on top of everything else which brought me home in the first place. I think about suicide all the time but I feel I can't say anything to my pastor or even my spouse I am too ashamed that I even thought about it. I do not put my pastor on a pedistal but I definitely look at him differently since then.

I think it should definitely disqualify someone. If a person is not compassionate then they can't empathize with people. If you can't empathize with them, how can you reach them or lead them? Maybe they would be fit for another ministry, like teaching.

Hey Mark,

I was talking to a Pastor and his wife (people I both served under at the time) about how we were each gifted. They both informed me that their lowest "score" was in mercy/compassion. I thought this odd for leader of a church but forgot about it for some time. I remembered it immedietly when the following happened:

I am going to change the story a bit so as not to embarrass anyone - you will get the gist.

A young teenager accepts the Lord, is baptized, and 1 year later gets cancer and goes into a coma. In their mercy and compassion, they make it a focul point for the church - money is raised - local media gets involved. The father loses his house to forclosure (It was never brought up in front of the church - no one knew but the Pastor and his wife - maybe elders too). With no where to go, no help from the church and his child dieing, the man moves in with a woman in the church that offers this homeless man a place for him and his other son. One thing leads to another during a very tough time. . . The church is aware of it but no one else is. The boy in the coma never recovers and dies. After the death, the couple is approached about stopping the relationship in its present form or they will be handed over . . . I wrote a post where I used it as part of a story about redemption:http://wp.me/p2nZKA-5m

Anyway, the boy's brother wants to be baptized as a result of his dead brother's testimony 1 year earlier. The pastor refuses - something about give it a year until you arent just doing this from emotion. . . .

A couple of points about lack of compassion:

We found out about the man losing his house at the end and we also found out he had asked the church for help a year earlier. The response from leadership when he lost it was that he would have lost it anyway with help or not . . . With a little compassion in a very tough time, we may not have been able to save his house but maybe we could of - maybe supplementing his income would have let him save it

The relationship happened prior to the death of the child - if you feel it is sin that you have to hand them over . . . the point is was it compassion or the rise in attendence for the church and that the media would not have been real thrilled? In light of the fact that this wouldnt of happened with the church helping or many of us could have given the man and his child a place to stay if we had known about it . . . you do the math.

Most people would be devestated with the loss of their house - house and child - devestating! House, then child, then church? Has to be one of the worst things I have ever witnessed in my life.

I don't condone the couples sin but there are so many ways simple acts of compassion could have helped them avoid that sin. The boy that wanted to be baptized that has witnessed all of this from this church? Not interested - not because he lost interest, but because he views the church and what it did to his dad as evil. My wife and I and friends reached out to this couple and found them some time afterwards - they are so hurt and so bitter it breaks your heart! The boy wouldn't come - wants nothing to do with church people.

As someone that has served and led in several churches, I would disqualify someone without hesitation that lacked compassion because lack of compassion is part of a bigger problem - lack of dicernment. Most of all, I belive Yeshua himself would say his is unqualified. Why?

A man can know every inch of the text, have it memorized, give all he has to the church, hit a homerun every Sunday from the pulpit but . . . without love, what does it matter? Romans 12 tells us to weep with those that weep. Compassion isn't a "would like", it is a "must have!"

Sorry for the long post brother - I guess I am a little passionate!

Thanks, Jared.

Do you agree or disagree then with the 9 Marks points 6 and 7?

It would be difficult to disqualify a man based on a "lack of compassion" or a "lack of empathy" alone. If this issue kept coming up in the congregation, then the pastor would need to be talked with. I think part of the problem is that we wrongly assume everyone else is like us. I imagine that most pastors think they're empathetic, but they probably show their empathy towards others in the same manner they themselves would like to receive it. Take, for example, a pastor who is rather private, reserved, an introvert, etc., he may be good to go when tragedy strikes his family with you saying, "I'm praying for your family brother," but another church member may actually need to "feel" your empathy as you express, "I'm praying for your family brother." For one, merely saying, "I'm praying for you is enough," but for the other he/she needs to "feel" the empathy as you express empathetic statements. This issue would be difficult to diagnose due to the relative nature of "empathy." I mean, on the other end of the spectrum, you don't want a pastor who too empathetic either. He'd never preach an exegetical sermon due to his constant uncontrollable weeping! On the other hand, if this issue kept coming up at my church, I would do my best to make sure the love I have for God's people was evident in my actions. (But, even that is kind of relative)

(See what I did there?)

(c;

Love you help you with your issue, Mark, but I

just

don't

care

Great question. It seems to me that it is a matter of degree. No pastor is perfect. Some are so-so preachers, but great counselors. Others are great preachers and so-so counselors. Others have remarkable emotional intelligence while others are the relational equivalent of a wet blanket. If as pastor struggles with being compassionate, then my question is, "how much do they struggle with it?" Are they compassionate in some cases but not with others? Are they compassionate, but not very touch-feely? A lack of compassion can manifest itself in many different ways. The pastor may be incredibly blunt and potentially hurtful in the way he says things, even though he might be right. Alternatively, he may simply not appreciate the struggles some people experience with things like substance abuse, same-sex attraction, a wandering eye, etc. When people confess their struggles to him, he may brow-beat them for having such temptations in the first place, or he may simply listen impassively. Which is more bereft of compassion?

It seems to me that a pastor must care deeply about the spiritual well-being of his congregation. The way he outwardly shows that care is not as important, provided he is not rude or brusque in his manner. 1 Thessalonians 5, I think it's verses 10-11 says, "We ask you brothers and sisters, to acknowledge those among you who work hard among you, who care for you in the Lord and admonish you. Hold them in the highest regard in love. And live in peace with each other." (OK I messed it up a little, but I'm going on memory here so cut me some slack). The righteousness that we are called to have that surpasses that of the scribes and Pharisees must be others-centered, or it is not true righteousness. Caring about others is a big part of that but I think that we are all people and we all outwardly show that compassion in different ways.

Having said all that, if a pastor clearly does not care about people, I think that would be good grounds for disqualifying him as a pastor. He should be an academic and not a pastor in that case. If the Thessalonian church could do love as well as they did, surely a pastor should be able to as well.