Ethics: A Pastor’s Disobedient Children

What would you do Wednesday!

Unfortunately, the following situation is based on actual events.

Your wife and kids got to spend the day with your pastor’s wife and kids. Although four kids, ages 9 to 12, can be a handful, your wife came home surprisingly frustrated.

Your wife explains that the pastor’s children were very rude and disrespectful to her outside their mother’s presence and even to their mother directly. The children were even disrespectful to their father, your pastor.

Your children confirm your wife’s frustrations. After asking your children if they had fun with Jack and Diane, your pastor’s kids they said yes, but were confused about a few things. Your children asked why pastor’s kids would call their dad is crazy and call him names like dufus, worm, idiot, etc. They also wondered why Jack and Diane would tell their mother to shut-up. Your children were concerned because they know that such disrespectfulness  would not be tolerated in your home.

You recall overhearing comments from various church members describing the pastor’s children as “out of control,” but chose not to join in the gossip. However, now you are concerned that there is some truth to the gossip. Though you wonder why no one has ever spoken up.

Disturbed by how your pastor’s kids acted, 1 Timothy 3 comes to mind.

He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church? (1 Timothy 3:4-5 ESV)

You wonder: Is my pastor disqualified based on the disobedience of his kids? How do I approach him? Should I approach him?

What would you do?

  • Express your concerns to your pastor personally.
  • Not worry about their actions since kids will be kids.
  • Try to record the kids actions so you can show other church members.
  • Or…

tagged as , in Christianity,Church Issues,Culture

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Bubba August 8, 2012 at 1:10 pm

I have no idea, but kudos for the Jack and Diane reference.

2 mburatov August 8, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Option #1 – I would want another parent to tell me about my kids’ poor behavior, and the fact that this pastor’s kids are “out of control” is a concern that all the congregants should share. But at this rate it should be done personally and not publicly.

3 Diane Neal August 8, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Definitely go to the pastor and his wife but not in judgment of their parenting skills but to offer solutions. They probably realize there is a problem but have no idea what to do about it. We went through a very difficult time with our youngest and the people at church were brutal! Not a single person asked if we needed anything but instead berates us as parents and our child. The Sunday School teachers would “warn” each other that he was coming up the next year so he didn’t stand a chance. We must be very careful not to be Phariseeical in our application of scripture when thisbe parents may need the love of their congregation and help to run their households in the way God intended. For the record, we didn’t change churches and we were finally able to find strategies that helped and today this kid who was called a problem is now following the Lotd with his whole heart and with a goal of being a Christian psychologist to help parents and kids in the same situation.

4 Mark August 9, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Bubba, life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone. 🙂

mburatov, Thanks for the comment.

Diane, thanks for finally posting a comment. You are correct that Christians need to learn how to speak to one another in love when we have concerns.

As for the pastor, when, if ever, would the disobedience of his kids disqualify him from the pastorate?


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